They always tell you that your days at school will be the
best of your life and everyone just shrugs it off. Then years later, you look
back and realise that the best parts of those years were the bits you didn’t
even consider at the time. Waking up that day and only thinking of the 24 hours
ahead, going to sleep and thinking of the previous 24 hours and that is it.
Now, I have to think days, weeks even months ahead. My
friends ask to make plans 6 months from now and I have to ‘let them know’
because everything is just so up in the air. It’s frustrating and increasingly
annoying but mainly because I took my teenage years for granted. So much so,
that I had no idea how happy I really was. I was so content with the way things
were at that very moment, I had no reason to look forward.
When I think about my life right now, all I think about are
things that I would change. I’m a worrier, I’m an organiser and I always think
ahead - that’s just the person I am. I am an absolute perfectionist and I
cannot stand doing the bare minimum for anything – it’s all or nothing, I see
no in-between. So it’s natural for me to want to make anything better that I
can and that includes all of my relationships.
Like I said, we all look back at our school years and wish we
could go back to that simple life. That life where you saw your friends every
day and you all would have the best times together. But the truth is – that isn’t
real life. As much as I say I would like to go back to that time in my life, I
also realise that I was a naïve girl and all was not as it seemed.
Life was simple. Your friends were always there for you,
always there to pick you up when you were down and you always spent your free
time together. Reality? Far from it.
This was life because there was no other way. You had nothing else to do on weekends but be with your friends, so of course they were your first choice. Now, I have to arrange with my friends weeks in advance just to make sure they have spare time. This isn’t because they are bad friends, it’s because we have so much more going on with our lives, that seeing each other is an effort. It’s not just a filler of time. It’s actually time-consuming.
This was life because there was no other way. You had nothing else to do on weekends but be with your friends, so of course they were your first choice. Now, I have to arrange with my friends weeks in advance just to make sure they have spare time. This isn’t because they are bad friends, it’s because we have so much more going on with our lives, that seeing each other is an effort. It’s not just a filler of time. It’s actually time-consuming.
That sounds really harsh. I love my friends and I love spending
time with them. But because I have a busy life now, I constantly assess every
minute of my day. If I didn’t spend an extra hour with you I could have replied
to some emails… That’s OCD. And that’s something I’m personally trying to work
on. But it’s a balance I have to find.
When I look at the way I am towards spending time with my
friends now, compared to when I was at school, I realise it’s a now a choice.
If I desire to see somebody, I will make the effort to do so. If I don’t… I won’t
bother. At school, you would probably spend weekends with people you wouldn’t
even say ‘hello’ to now. Isn’t that crazy? But you didn’t care then. Because
your time wasn’t precious, or at least you didn’t think of it as being
precious.
At least I enjoyed that whilst it lasted because now my time
is precious, and boy don’t I know it. When I started to grow apart from friends
I was upset, I clung onto them hoping it was just a phase. I clung onto someone
who I would now describe as a shitty friend. I was fighting for someone who’s
time had become precious, so they became distant. And suddenly now I get it.
Time is precious. Fill your time with people who inspire
you, who make you laugh til your gut aches and who truly care about your
happiness. Whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, bestest friend or a work
friend, if you desire to spend time with them, it’s for a reason. Don’t waste
your time on people who add little to your life. Time is precious so fill it
wisely.
There are a lot of things in life that are mediocre, don’t
let relationships be one of them.
