Em & I are quite lucky that we were house mates before we
were friends. Well, we’d spoken on Facebook prior to meeting (that makes us
sound creepy, doesn't it?) but we weren't really friends. Our friendship was
based on learning. 1) We were learning about each other as a person,
determining if we were going to be friends, how well we got on, how similar we
are etc. and 2) we were learning to live with each other.
This sounds silly and quite obvious. But it’s something we
both hadn't been through before, and many others haven’t before university. You've
always lived with your family, people who take you for what you are because
they've always had to.
My brother was a nightmare when I was in my teens, he's so lazy and untidy and it was unbearable. But what could I do? I can scream and shout but its' just the way he is.
Now, we were quite lucky in our first year. We were
surrounded by friends in other flats/houses who were going through hell. Flatmates
who stole their food, smashed up the kitchen, broke doors, tables… whatever. Our flatmates were not perfect by a long-shot, they were unwilling to clean without being nudged, but they weren't the worst, so we were thankful.
Anyway.... back to the subject. Em & I were getting to know each other, as a friend, as well as getting to know our daily habits. Em has a habit of cooking dinner, but using up all the worktop space. She has packets, chopping boards and random bits of food spread around our kitchen. I spent most of first year piling it up for her so I could make some room to cook my own dinner.
Me? I talk to my food. That sounds odd. Let me give an example. I tell it to "hurry up" or "wait there". Ok that's odd. But anyway, living with strangers whilst growing a friendship means you learn absolutely everything about them, all at once.
Traditionally, people meet. They spend time together, they decide they like each other. They think they like each other enough to move in together - this means learning a whole new side to them. That boyfriend you've had for 7 years and you're sure is 'your perfect match'? Yeah... has a habit of leaving dirty tissues everywhere and he wears the same jeans 8 times before washing them. You now have to adapt to this.
Isn't it weird to think that you've known some of your friends for years, yet you're basing a friendship on only really knowing them for snippets of their life? You don't see them 24/7, you don't see them go through every emotion, every mood swing or every illness... You can pick and choose what you show.
University is such a test. Em & I have a stronger friendship than I do with the majority of my friends from home. Why? Because we have to spend so much time together. We've learnt every aspect of each others character, there is nothing we can possibly hide. We know each other inside out.
It works both ways. People I would usually have a great friendship with because we share the same sense of humour or the same interests, I can't stand because I know how lazy and unclean they are.
Isn't it strange how you judge a friendship or relationship on how well you 'get on'? Yet you could be basing that whilst only knowing half of their character. I wonder how many of my existing friends I would still like if I'd had to learn all of their personality.
