They say making up with your partner is the best part of
fighting. Some couples even enjoy arguing because the making up is so
enjoyable. This, I can tell you, is because of the wonder that is make-up sex.
So what do you do when your boyfriend is thousands of miles away? When the
chance of intercourse is zero and instead you get a lousy ‘sorry’ text.
It’s tough. Long distance relationships are tough. I didn’t
realise just how important reassurance is in a relationship until my boyfriend
moved away. Normally, it would just come from being in their presence. You
argue, you both say sorry, cuddle, kiss, you know the rest. A new conversation
begins and all memory of an argument is gone. Nobody prepares you for that to
change, or at least nobody warned me.
It’s as if there is no proper end to a fight if you aren’t
stood in front of each other. As a whole, a lack of reassurance can put a lot
of pressure and anxiety into a relationship. Normally, your partner would call
and ask if you want to go for dinner, or if you want to chill and watch that
film you've been raving about for weeks. Suddenly everything revolves around
words. Yes, you can send a nice card or present via post and remind them that
you’re thinking of them, but how many students can afford £7.50 postage
(Seriously, do Royal Mail not offer student discount?)
If you said this to me a two years ago, I would say that I’m
not the kind of person who needs reassurance. I would say that I don’t need my
boyfriend to tell me he’s missing me or he saw something that day and it
reminded him of me. But long distance relationships are a whole new world, a
world where suddenly “actions speak louder than words” is pretty much irrelevant.
It’s time to man up and say your feelings out loud. Misunderstandings are
frequent and communication really is important. We all know how easy it is to
interpret a text wrong, and we’ve all had an argument spiral out of control
because your tone of voice was ‘stressy’.
It’s important to take the time to not only check your messages
before you send them, but make sure the relationship is of equal sides.
Remember that your partner isn’t a mind reader, and sometimes it’s nice to wake
up to a ‘hey! you need to watch this film, I know you’d love it’. Be careful
not to jump the gun, and most importantly – make time for each other. Just
because you cannot physically be together, doesn't mean that you stop making
time for them. Find a time that you can both have a proper conversation,
whether it be on the phone or on Skype.
Its tough (I’ve said that, haven’t I?), but it is worth it.
It just takes a lot of getting used to, and a lot of moaning along the way..
Kirsti
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